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Beautiful Disaster (Beautiful, #1)

Beautiful Disaster (Beautiful, #1) - Jamie McGuire 02/25/12:

Now that I've read this book twice, I can say absolutely without a doubt that I hate it. It wasn't me being stupid and not realizing how great a book was until the second reading, like it was the first time I read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone and Milkweed. It really is just an awful book.

Every single character in this book is an absolute idiot - with the exception of Kara, who is the only character without her head firmly shoved up her ass. Actually, she nailed Abby and Travis right on the head when she said, "Do you know what co-dependency is, Abby? Your boyfriend is a prime example, which is creepy considering he went from having no respect for women at all to thinking he needs you to breathe." The one damn character who wasn't a total idiot - and every time she was mentioned in the book Abby made her sound like a complete bitch. Actually, I suppose Parker wasn't half bad either, save for his strange (but healthy!) interest in Abby. Oh, and he liked to call her "Abs." BIG FUCKING DEAL. Personally, I'd prefer "Abs" to "Pigeon". But besides Kara and Parker, everyone sucks.

Travis is irresistible. To everyone. Absolutely everyone. Girls literally throw themselves at him in sickening, unrealistic ways, despite how motherfucking clear it is that he only wants sex. He is extremely smart and gets perfect grades but never studies at all. He doesn't even bother to pay attention in his classes. Not only that, but Travis Maddox is the hottest boy on the planet. He has a perfect, mind-blowing body although he doesn't work out. I'm sorry, but that is fucking impossible. Ask any guy with a six-pack and I'm sure he'll tell you what hard work it is to look like that. It is also fucking impossible for a guy who never, ever works out to easily take out two members of the God damn Las Vegas mob. Travis often says stupid things that clearly indicate the relationship between himself and Abby will turn to an abusive one sooner or later - when he makes her change her clothes before they go out because he thinks what she's wearing is too revealing, for instance. He is not only mentally destructive, but physically as well. He destroys his apartment when he wakes up and Abby has left him. He kicks the shit out of anyone who even looks at Abby. He breaks his fucking phone because if he doesn't, he won't be able to stop himself from calling Abby. THIS BEHAVIOR IS NOT NORMAL.

I think the most annoying thing here is that everyone acts like Travis' behavior is okay. It's not, "Abby, Travis is destroying the apartment. Maybe he needs to visit a psychologist and talk his dead mommy/drunken father/rambunctious older brothers problems through." It's, "How could you do this to him, Abby?!" Instead of, "Why the fuck is an asshole with anger problems breaking into song in a cafeteria?" everyone joins him in song. Nobody, not once (besides Abby herself a few times), questions why Travis addresses Abby as Pigeon at the end of every other sentence. I know that if I heard someone addressing someone as an ugly ass bird I would question the origins of that nickname. But no. Travis calls Abby "Pigeon" a total of 97 times and "Pidge" 28. HE GETS "PIGEON" TATTOOED ON HIS ARM. What the fuck is this book?!

Abby Abernathy just sucks because she's so damn stupid. She is so dumb that although taking Travis to Vegas was the cause of their most serious breakup, she decides she wants to go back there to marry him. In what way does that make sense? You don't need to fly all the way to Vegas to vow yourself into a mistake marriage, you fucking idiot. It's possible to go to a courthouse. I also don't really understand her rationing for needing to stay at Travis and Shepley's while the water heater was broken. She can just go there, shower, and go back to her dorm. That is possible. Apparently, none of the fucking characters in Beautiful Disaster were able to reach that conclusion themselves, though.

The irritating thing about Abby is that she has her moments where she's so close to a breakthrough. I remember specifically one time she was telling Travis they should take their relationship more slowly (naturally, he was on the brink of flying into a rage in response). That's very good. It's sensible. Then a couple chapters later she runs off to Vegas to get hitched and have herself "branded" as "Mrs. Maddox." In what world does this make sense?

The bottom line is that Beautiful Disaster is a shitty book. I could go on forever about it. I could post all the completely moronic pieces of the story I highlighted while reading, but it's really not worth my time. I've read it twice, and I still fucking hate the book, and I still don't see at all what other readers see that is so great. Believe it or not, this is not me bashing McGuire or her readers. While McGuire hasn't made the most mature comments or blog posts, I'm sure she's really a fantastic person. While I don't have a fucking clue about what people see in this book, I don't think less of a person for enjoying it - and don't give me reason to by attacking me and telling me why you liked it. I don't care. At all. I don't want to hear about your love affair with this story. I don't want you to list all the great things about it. You're not going to change my opinion or the opinions of others who disliked it. If you want people to gush with, go comment on a 5-star review and save your time commenting on this one. I've quit reading all the comments anyway, and skim at best.

TL;DR I hate this fucking book, I feel justified in hating it now because I gave it a second chance and it was worse reading it a second time, and nobody should waste their time reading this stupid book unless they're really into reading about stupid motherfuckers with such deep co-dependency issues they can't even function apart.

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01/14/2012:

I've just realized people are actually reading, commenting, and liking this review, and I feel like I should really review this book instead of angrily rant about it. So I'm (very slowly) going to force myself to reread Beautiful Disaster and hopefully be able to write a better review with fewer fucks. We'll see.

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11/17/2011:

Beautiful Disaster: a total disaster.

Talk about a book with seriously messed up people who can't even function by themselves. These two are worse than even Edward and Bella. Abby and Travis are two absolutely psychotic people who should never have gotten together. Beautiful Disaster glorifies everything that should be discouraged in relationships.

These two people are so fucked up. It's portrayed as normal that, upon waking up alone, Travis completely destroys his apartment. He has outrageous jealousy issues and instead of being freaked the fuck out by that Abby is head over heels for him. Abby continuously makes the most idiotic damn decisions. These two fuckers have so many codependency issues that they can barely even function apart. Travis needs her in the room while he's beating the shit out of people or he can't even concentrate on punching the guy because he's so distracted wondering what she's doing. He literally threatens (if not beats up) EVERY. SINGLE. GUY. that looks at Abby--and that's supposed to be attractive. This shit is all viewed as normal. Travis bursting out into song in the cafeteria prompts everyone to sing along. Everyone. What in the HELL? Not to mention the random mob plot line? Or how somehow Abby is a fucking moron but is a card-playing genius? OR HOW EVERY FUCKING CHARACTER THINKS IT FINE AND DANDY THAT TRAVIS TERRORIZES THE SHIT OUT OF EVERYONE.

How in the HELL did this get nominated for Goodreads awards? Or any award ever? How was this even PUBLISHED? This love story is not normal. Stalkers are not good. I don't know what the hell all these people rating it five stars and gushing over Travis are thinking, but if I dated someone who treated me like Travis treated Abby I would run for the fucking hills as fast as I could.

And, last but not least:
IF I HAD TO READ THE WORD 'PIGEON' ONE. MORE. TIME...